July came & went.
August came…Moving month. Move out date was August 16th. And it was coming up FAST!
Packing & Getting Prepared.
The weeks leading up to the BIG move were stressful. My still then husband was acting out a little. He was taking this move hard. A move that he agreed to and allowed for me & the boys to do.
Two evening before we were to leave for our new Adventure he came over to take the boys for the night. He had the boys go to his truck to wait. He then asked me if we could talk. I said sure.
He started with how hard this move was going to be on him. He wouldn’t get to see the boys much, he wouldn’t get to just stop by to say hey or have dinner with us. I kept my calm. Until he brought up COURT.
SERIOUSLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I LOST it!
I honestly don’t remember everything I said I was so MAD. I want go into details about why that got to me. That’s stuff to keep private.
I do remember taking one more shot at begging him to come home & putting all of this crap behind us. One more shot to get him to see what he was doing. Did I really want to?….at this point: Not really. But I did it anyway. We were both at each others throats yelling at the top of our lungs. I know the whole neighborhood could hear us. He finally left….speeding out of my townhouse parking lot. With my boys in the truck!!! UGG
Him this & Him that…..It was always about him!
What about me? What about my feelings, my metal health, MY HEALING!!!! Did I not matter? Did the boys not matter?
I couldn’t be around him anymore. I felt like I was drowning, like I could not BREATHE!
This wasn’t just for me either. This was for our boys & their relationship with him. His new girlfriend had already started to come before the boys. He had made plans 2 times with them & then canceled last minute to be with her. The first time it happened I was done!! I was done covering for him with the boys. So I told them the truth. If that was wrong so be it. He rescheduled time to get them. I had to beg our youngest to even go. He didn’t want to. I couldn’t blame him.
Their dad texted me just a few hours before he was to get them that something has come up & I can’t get the boys tonight……WHY are you choosing her over your CHILDREN!!!
Never Again would HE do that!
That was the last time that was going to happen. Moving away wasn’t just for me to heal or try to heal. Moving away was for them as well. I was looking out for my babies.
At least being away he couldn’t hurt them like that again. He would have a set schedule with them & that would be that.
MOVING DAY!! It was finally time.
Moving day finally came. I was up early. They boys were with their dad the night before.
My family that I was moving in with temporally were on their way (4 hour drive). I had all morning to get everything ready to throw in the trailer when they arrived.
Side NOTE: My Husband is now my Ex-Husband but I didn’t know it at the time. (that’s a story for another post though).
I was in the middle of organizing everything when my Ex came over. He had some stuff to get that I had given him and a few thing to store at his place for me that I couldn’t take. He asked to talk. As we left things the day before kinda rough.
He apologized for the things he said. Stating he didn’t want to leave things this way. That we had not only been husband & wife for 20 years but that we were also each others Best Friends. I agreed. We talked a few more moments & then I got back to working.
Leaving….
After everything was loaded on the trailer we all stayed the night at my sister in law’s house. She is also my BEST friend. She got me through so very dark days. She has seen it all.
The next day was leaving day. Moving 4 hours away from everything & everyone I have known my whole life. This was huge!!! I wanted the boys & I to go to church one last time before we left. So we did.
After church it was time to leave. My ex wanted to say bye to the boys & me. We met him at a parking lot on the way out. He told the boys bye & he loved them.
Then me…..This was the HARDEST bye I’ve ever had to do in my entire LIFE. This was it. It was the end of us for good. Part of me wished for him to just pull me in and not let go. Part of me was hopeful he would beg me to stay. Part of me wanted him so much in that moment!! Part of me wished he would kiss me. BUT…
The STRONGER part of me let go. She moved forward. She got in her car & drove off with him in the review mirror. Did she look back.
YES.
She looked one last time at her past. One last time at the man she had LOVED her whole adult life. The only life that she had ever known. She looked back with tears running down her face sobbing at her past. One last time at the man who DESTROYED her. With her sister rubbing her back as she drove off.
Starting over…
The farther I drove away from my hometown the better I could breathe. My chest felt lighter & lighter the more distance I put between us. I can’t explain that any better. It just felt lighter. My anxiety that I have had since he left even got a little better. I kept going. Then we were at our temporary home for a few months. But lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Stay Turned My Birthday is next….
As always I leave you with a quote:
Strong women aren’t born.
They are forged in the fires they’ve had to walk through, & refined by flames meant to destroy them. They are warriors with hearts of Gold, They are daughters to a KING!!
Author UnKnown.