Valentine’s Day (NOT)

Well Valentine’s day is coming up and ironically that fell on the next week of this Journey.

This week was a hard one to. You see Valentine’s Day is not just Valentine’s Day to me. It’s the day that he proposed to me in 2004. It’s our oldest son’s birthday. He turned what use to be a very Happy day for me into a day that just sucks for me now. I was Heart Broken & couldn’t get passed it.

Last year I was ok that week, not the best, but just ok. The day came. I got up and got my youngest son off to school. He was excited, he had gotten his then girlfriend a rose & card for Valentine’s day. I went to get breakfast for my oldest and me for his Birthday. It was just us at my house & I did have to work so I wanted to do something nice for him besides just cereal. I got home and got him up & moving for the day and I clocked in for work.

I had checked my phone probably 10 time’s at this point to see if I had a text from him. I hadn’t! Every time my phone went off I would grab it so fast to see if it was him. I don’t know why I was doing this to myself. I guess I was hoping for a sign that he still cared. Anything to grasp onto to keeping fighting for our relationship. He never called, he never texted. I got nothing from him all day until almost time for him to get off of work. He just wanted to know if I was cooking dinner for our oldest birthday. I told him I was and he said he would see us in a little bit.

I burst into tears!!! Why? Why was he doing this to me? Why was I letting him? Why did I continue to put myself through the torture of begging him to love me?

I had to stop. I had to move on.

But I couldn’t! I got through the visit for dinner and told the boys I was going to bed early. I loved them and not to stay up to late.

I texted my Best Friend & talked out everything with her. She promised to come by my house the next morning after school drop off’s.

She did come we talked for a bit, I cried some. I had to clock in for work & she had stuff to get done. She left her son with my oldest for the day. He love’s hanging out with my oldest. She came back that evening to pick him up.

She had me flowers, box of chocolates & Yellowstone socks! With a card that made me cry like a baby!!! But it cheered me up & made my day. That woman has gotten me through some dark days & I was going into one. But she got me out of it before I got to far.

I texted him the next day after I got the courage up to. I let him know how I felt & how much it hurt me that I wasn’t even important enough to get a text “Happy Valentine’s Day”. A text that would have taken him 2 seconds to text. We were married for 20 years & together for 22 years. I didn’t mean enough for just a text.

This day was a small turning point for me. I still wasn’t ready to give up. But it made me think. It got my wheels turning upstairs. This was an important day for me.

I’ll the night with this quote. It’s was a turning point when I found this quote.

“You don’t know pain until you gotta force your HEART to stop Loving somebody!” -Anonymous