The Week Following the Move

This was a hard week. So many emotions & mixed feelings.

Day one on my own, I had to work so that helped keep my mind off of my personal life some. But nights were the hardest. My first night on my own, after the boys went to sleep, was the hardest. I didn’t sleep at all that night. I cried my eyes out missing him so much. Missing his touch, his smell & his warmth. I missed everything about him.

That was something I just couldn’t get use to was the coldness I felt all the time. It was like a part of me was missing & I couldn’t find what it was I was missing. I was in so much pain that I wasn’t sure I would ever find that missing piece again.

Every single night that first week I cried. I cried my eyes out in pain. It was hard. It was messy. I survived on caffeine, I couldn’t really keep much food down. Running on maybe 2 hours of sleep a night. I was lucky if I got in 2 hours. My whole body was on high alert all the time. I had 2 full on panic attacks that week. One was so bad that the room started to spin. I wanted to call him so badly. But I stopped myself. I texted my best friend instead. She talked me through the pain.

But I got my butt up every morning with the biggest smile on my face for my boys. I had to get through this for them. I had to be ok for them. They were my whole world. I didn’t realize it at the time. But my boys are who saved me. They saved me from myself.

I’ll end today with a quote I found that week that I still live by even today.

“Progress is impossible without change & those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.” -George Bernard Shaw

Stay turned for tomorrow’s post.